Tuesday, 26 June 2012

I Aten't Dead....

I've just been on hiatus, I guess ;)

It's been over 6 months since I last posted - I'm sure no-one's still subscribed, but here I am anyway lol!

I totally lost my knitting mojo over Christmas and winter. I just couldn't think of anything I wanted to knit. And whenever I did try something, it went wrong - like it would be too big, or too small, or too... something. My stash was totally hanging over my head - I would stare at the bookshelves of yarn, and wonder just what on earth I could do with all of that yarn! And some things, I had plans for, like pullovers and clothing items, but I was having (mental) issues with my body too, and just felt like nothing would fit or look nice, or if it fit now, what would happen if I ever managed to lose weight? Or what if I put on weight? What was the point?

So I dropped out of knitting for a while. I sewed a little bit - made some fabric flowers and bettered some of my hand-sewing skills. I didn't go anywhere near blogs or even ravelry - there were just all these pretty, amazing objects taunting me with their makeability. So I spent months reading books, playing video games, or just sat on facebook. Which is full of all my bellydancing buddies and that's fantastic, but I still missed knitting.

Slowly, I seem to have come out of my knitting slump. I started with some small objects - fingerless mitts mostly. You can't go far wrong with them :) And now I'm back to knitting sweaters! I've crept back onto ravelry and my queue has started expanding again - it appears that so many amazing patterns have come out while I've been away! And now I'm going to slowly get back to blogging and reading other people's blogs. :)

I rearranged my blog reading layout - I used to use blogger to keep track of all the blogs I read, but it wasn't really a good layout at all. And then they changed it while I've been away and it's even more convoluted! So I've dragged all my fave blogs to a toolbar folder on firefox, and I can just scroll through that instead of having to open another program, or go to a specific page, which I was just forgetting to do. Soon I'll be back to commenting on them all, but I'm taking it slow this time - I don't want to burn myself out again by jumping back in too soon. This social networking stuff takes a lot of energy, and my levels are just starting to rise again! :)

I've also decided to stop beating myself about photographing all my knits. I kind of felt that they should all be photographed in lovely natural light, with fnacy bokeh effects and everything. This kind of hung over my head too, because in Scotland in the winter - this isn't really possible without big fancy photography rigs and tons of spare time to take 100 photos of every object from every angle. So I was beginning to feel like there was no point in taking photos if they weren't totally professional quality. I know, totally dumb, right? And I had this big thing against using the flash on my camera, when sometimes it's just the right thing that needs to be used... I'm so strange. From now on, I'll just try for the best picture I can get. With flash or without, indoors or outdoors depending on the weather and light, it doesn't really matter. A crappy photo with flash in front of a mirror is better than no photo at all, right?

I've been thinking a lot about my expectations for myself, and what I do. For this whole blogging thing - they were far too high. I'm not sure what I wanted my blog to be - a big professional looking site full of gorgeous pictures, and a tiny thin version of me in beautiful handknits posed on an Icelandic beach or something. Um, that's not my life?! So I'm going to endeavour - not to lower my standards or expectations for myself, but to make them reasonable, and realistic.

This is a good plan, I think, and I'm going to slowly work on it. And maybe I should apply the same thinking to other areas of my life... Actually, seeing that last sentence on the last paragraph written out - it makes so much sense. Why have I not been thinking like that already??? So, to repeat:

I'm going to endeavour - not to lower my standards or expectations for myself, but to make them reasonable, and realistic.

Gosh, this post has been all therapeutic and stuff! I'm really excited about getting back to my online knitting life now! :D


Kate said...

I'm still following! :-) Glad to see you aten't dead. I think that's sometimes the problem with having a blog in that when you getting the knitting blahs, that it can feel like an obligation to post even when there's nothing to say. Or it's harder to post after a long break because you feel like you are talking to thin air!

I have photo envy, too. It's got worse since I've stared looking at other crafty blogs with beeeyootiful photography. I'm down south, but the light indoors is terrible and it always rains on FO days just to spite me. Photos are photos, though, and I think the content is more important than having a beautifully lit sock. That's what I'm telling myself, anyhow!

Lovely to see you back. I'll still be following because I am a crazed stalker, so looking forward to your next post. :-)

Yarndancer said...

Thanks Kate! The joys of British weather, eh? :) I have quite a bit to say now that my energy is pointed back at knitting, so I'm looking forward to being back and reading blogs again, especially yours! :D

Lina said...

I'm still here, though late in commenting! :) I know what you mean about a blog and knitting becoming something you dread and I think a break is the best thing at those moments, which is just what you did! I'm looking forward to seeing your knits (in good light or no!) as you inch back into the blogverse! :)